Saturday, March 24, 2007

Grief Experienced

The biggest fear I could ever imagine is a sudden and unexpected call from someone informing me the death of someone you knew. Life is filled with uncertainty and an unexpected news that will cause grief in lifetime. At 12.00 pm sharp on Friday, I received a message with the content of ' Please pray now-23/3/07, jon chang's not feeling well. Heart rate/ fever not under control indicating infection. No growth detection from blood culture but supported with lots of antibiotics, blood and platlets transfer, it's crucial till blood count rises and engraftment take place. Pray for fast engraftment and to be able to pull through this hard time.'- by A.MM. During cell group session, an unexpected news came across us and gave me a shock that he cannot pull through anymore at the age of 3, got called home by the Lord at that night.

Although I have never seen this baby boy before but I feel for his family members who have to accept the fact that a 3 year old son got called home. As we always place our hope on God, no one could ever tell what God is doing up there in heaven. I've experienced once that took place couple of years back.

On a lovely night back to couple of years ago, an unexpected man came up to my house informing us that one of our family member died in a crucial accident. We were frigtened by the news and it was certified that it's the fact that no one can deny that a 19 year old boy(my brother) being call home by the Lord on that very night. It's a huge lost to my family especially my parents that had spent 19 years bringing up a child filled with love and care. Initially after his accident, my parents and my 2nd elder brother accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Saviour. The months following the funeral have been a series of examples of both God's severeignty and His provision. Over 600 people turned up for the first day of his funeral. So many instances have occured that shows God's loving hand at work all this while. God has always been good to him and to my family even till the day he died.

My mum missed his presence and longing for his existence every night and his existence is no longer here to bring up a smile on her face but tears. I hardly could see my parents smile no matter how hard I would try to enlighten them but to see them flipping through his journal and pictures, weaping sorrowfully for his return. In the eyes of my parents, all I could see is an expression filled with sorrow, grief and sadness. As time passes by, his death has become a lifetime testimony to people. Miracles happened right after his death from one to another. Life still move on with the assurance and hope we have in Jesus.

The first 12 months after his death marked a time of real grieving for all my family although different family members experienced it in a different ways. One very hurtful aspect of Alan's dying. present almost from the starts, was the question: "How many siblings do you have?" It's amazing how often this comes up in a casual conversation. Do I say '1' or '2'? Do I explain or I say nothing? Feeling I should acknowledge reality, I've tried 1 on for size ( with no explanation) It was awful. I felt like a traitor, with one word, I had dismissed Alan's existence. Yet it is necessary appropriate to say '2' with an explanation. A stranger in casual conversation does not need to be put in the position of saying : ' I'm sorry'. It's has always been a shock and trauma although it's already 6 years. Afterall life is just a temporary assignment.

God has never been put us aside in his picture. He is always faithful and just and loving to my family. Life still move on with his almighty power and strength to endure with it. It has become the past now. But truly he proved to me that he is real.


Though he brings grief, He will
show compassion, so great in His
unfailing love.
Lamentations 3:32
Few years back, A. Stephanie handed me a book entitled 'On Eagle's Wing' with this poem inside:
The Weaver
My life is but a weaving
Between my Lord and me.
I cannot choose the colour
He worketh steadily.
Off times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget he sees the upper
And I the underside
Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Does God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why
The dark threads are as needful
In the skilful weaver's hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.
Anonymous
That's all for now, I hope this testimony will bless you today. Hang out for Jesus for he hangs out for you. God bless you! =)

4 Comments:

Blogger discordant dude said...

i remember the grief where no words of comfort seemed adequate... even until today...

March 25, 2007 at 4:54 AM  
Blogger discordant dude said...

Reaching Out

I feel your pain
and long to touch the hurt
and make it melt away.
Yes, I know
that I can't really see
the breadth
and depth
of this dark valley you're in.
I can't truly know
just how sharp the knife is
in your soul-
for it is you in its path,
not me.
But I have known other valleys,
and in my heart
still bear knife-wound scars.
Even so,
I would walk your road
and take your pain
if I could.
I cannot.
And yet, perhaps
in some way
I can be a hand to hold
in the darkness;
in some way, try to blunt
the sharpness of pain.
But if not-
it may help a little
just to know I care
(Christine Rigden)

March 25, 2007 at 4:56 AM  
Blogger Freddiezs said...

chil out la! God is anyway with you!

March 27, 2007 at 9:33 PM  
Blogger mischelle said...

To : discordant_dude
I appreciate the words of advice and encouragement. These words will always be kept in my heart for it means so much to me.

March 28, 2007 at 12:36 AM  

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