Grief Experienced

The biggest fear I could ever imagine is a sudden and unexpected call from someone informing me the death of someone you knew. Life is filled with uncertainty and an unexpected news that will cause grief in lifetime. At 12.00 pm sharp on Friday, I received a message with the content of ' Please pray now-23/3/07, jon chang's not feeling well. Heart rate/ fever not under control indicating infection. No growth detection from blood culture but supported with lots of antibiotics, blood and platlets transfer, it's crucial till blood count rises and engraftment take place. Pray for fast engraftment and to be able to pull through this hard time.'- by A.MM. During cell group session, an unexpected news came across us and gave me a shock that he cannot pull through anymore at the age of 3, got called home by the Lord at that night.

Although I have never seen this baby boy before but I feel for his family members who have to accept the fact that a 3 year old son got called home. As we always place our hope on God, no one could ever tell what God is doing up there in heaven. I've experienced once that took place couple of years back.

On a lovely night back to couple of years ago, an unexpected man came up to my house informing us that one of our family member died in a crucial accident. We were frigtened by the news and it was certified that it's the fact that no one can deny that a 19 year old boy(my brother) being call home by the Lord on that very night. It's a huge lost to my family especially my parents that had spent 19 years bringing up a child filled with love and care. Initially after his accident, my parents and my 2nd elder brother accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Saviour. The months following the funeral have been a series of examples of both God's severeignty and His provision. Over 600 people turned up for the first day of his funeral. So many instances have occured that shows God's loving hand at work all this while. God has always been good to him and to my family even till the day he died.

My mum missed his presence and longing for his existence every night and his existence is no longer here to bring up a smile on her face but tears. I hardly could see my parents smile no matter how hard I would try to enlighten them but to see them flipping through his journal and pictures, weaping sorrowfully for his return. In the eyes of my parents, all I could see is an expression filled with sorrow, grief and sadness. As time passes by, his death has become a lifetime testimony to people. Miracles happened right after his death from one to another. Life still move on with the assurance and hope we have in Jesus.

The first 12 months after his death marked a time of real grieving for all my family although different family members experienced it in a different ways. One very hurtful aspect of Alan's dying. present almost from the starts, was the question: "How many siblings do you have?" It's amazing how often this comes up in a casual conversation. Do I say '1' or '2'? Do I explain or I say nothing? Feeling I should acknowledge reality, I've tried 1 on for size ( with no explanation) It was awful. I felt like a traitor, with one word, I had dismissed Alan's existence. Yet it is necessary appropriate to say '2' with an explanation. A stranger in casual conversation does not need to be put in the position of saying : ' I'm sorry'. It's has always been a shock and trauma although it's already 6 years. Afterall life is just a temporary assignment.

God has never been put us aside in his picture. He is always faithful and just and loving to my family. Life still move on with his almighty power and strength to endure with it. It has become the past now. But truly he proved to me that he is real.

Though he brings grief, He will

show compassion, so great in His

unfailing love.

Lamentations 3:32

Few years back, A. Stephanie handed me a book entitled 'On Eagle's Wing' with this poem inside:

The Weaver

My life is but a weaving

Between my Lord and me.

I cannot choose the colour

He worketh steadily.

Off times He weaveth sorrow

And I, in foolish pride,

Forget he sees the upper

And I the underside

Not till the loom is silent

And the shuttles cease to fly,

Does God unroll the canvas

And explain the reason why

The dark threads are as needful

In the skilful weaver's hand,

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern He has planned.

Anonymous

That's all for now, I hope this testimony will bless you today. Hang out for Jesus for he hangs out for you. God bless you! =)